Part of February has been spent in Romania, and the other part in Albania. In Romania, I was struggling, but God also gave me freedom. He let me see myself, not with eyes stuck in the past, but through His eyes. The last couple of weeks with Hope Church, I was able to step into some other roles and serve God with courage and passion. And then we got to Albania. “Wow” is the only word I could say that first morning. We are on a hill, near a castle. Behind us stands a mountain. Before us, a valley. Beyond that is the Adriatic Sea. We can see towns, mountain ranges, snow-covered peaks, and so much beauty! Don’t even get me started on the sunsets! God has been so good. And yet, almost like clockwork, my mind fell into a slump. Even surrounded by evidence of God’s goodness and power, I stumbled in my own weakness. I was attacked by memories of the past that showed me how lonely I was and forever will be. They showed me how incapable and inferior I have always been and always will be. One such memory was when I was on the C-team for 7th grade basketball. I became worried that I was here on the World Race just to be put on the C-team, but this time I was the only one on the court and facing the varsity team. And yet, God is faithful, and with the help of my wonderful squad-mates, He is pulling me ever closer to His heart.
Here are a few poems from this month.
Sun of Righteousness (Mal. 4:2)– February 8, 2022
Under the eclipse
People live in night
Dark is all we know
Our unending plight
Blindness is our default
Stumbling is our path
Our minds are cloudy
Hearts are filled with wrath
Hit one another
Throw the blame on them
We scream our heads off
Enraged at their sin
I think to myself
As I bump around
Falling will happen
I will be knocked down
Despairing my life
And cursing my eye
Hate eternal night
I would rather die
I mutter of death
And make my teeth gnash
When I catch a glimpse
A tiny, bright flash
A ray hits my face
I blink in the white
My feet stagger back
I’ve never seen light
This sphere of yellow
Shoves past the grim wall
A refreshing glow
Gives warmth to my soul
I’m filled with terror
Will this strange thing kill
Always been sightless
Is this fear or thrill
The golden beams shine
Covers this black land
The very first time
I see my own hand
They’re grimy and gray
Encrusted with dirt
They’re bruised and broken
From people they’ve hurt
Stained with deep red spots
Covered in dried blood
The guilt rushes in
Smashes like a flood
I have been blinded
Wallowing in mud
But as this rises
Exposes the crud
Light hits like a wave
I’m bathed in pure fire
It burns and cleanses
But doesn’t devour
I’m cleaned and restored
Dirt falls off my flesh
No longer filthy
Heart is feeling fresh
The night is banished
I can finally see
Running and jumping
Legs are flying free
Sun of righteousness
Healing in its wings
Now I will go forth
Until the Light rings
Charred Ember– February 8, 2022
Once I used to burn
From strength of my own
I did it myself
With ease, flame was blown
I tried my hardest
To gain intense heat
I consumed dry trees
No spark I could keep
I yearned to be bright
But could find no fuel
I only simmered
My coals just stayed cool
My heart sinking low
Won’t ever be wild
I can never blaze
My logs will stay mild
I turn now to You
And give You my dream
Lord, consume my all
Please make me a flame
I feel Your fire
Burning tongues surround
You blaze within me
I can’t make a sound
The flames are from You
Your fiery embrace
I’m a charred ember
In Your holy blaze
Hope– February 9, 2022
It’s small in size
But great in reach
A tiny spark
With burning heat
Some may smother
Fill it with doubt
Can’t be conquered
Or be put out
They may fight us
It shall remain
Can’t be silent
It won’t be tamed
It’s what we have
All we can give
Our Hope in Christ
Need faith to live
I call it hope
You say ‘Speranta’
God will use it
Make hard hearts thaw
Crazy Compassion– February 12, 2022
He’s wandering the streets
Like a beggar himself
Yet he never complains
But thinks of someone else
This infamous stranger
I have seen Him before
Have heard Him give sermons
And have seen Him perform
There is something different
He is no Pharisee
No ordinary man
That is easy to see
Yet that makes no difference
To me in my sad life
Why would I follow Him
When He ignores my strife?
And if I wanted to
There’s no way I could
My legs are broke and lame
Like useless logs of wood
I have sat on this spot
For twenty-two long years
I’m scruffy and dirty
I sit in mud and tears
I lay in my own waste
Cloaked in horrendous stench
People hold their noses
While they toss a few cents
I am just a no-one
Last of society
Everyone runs on by
Especially royalty
Today started the same
Me sitting in disgrace
When I saw Jesus pass
He looked me in my face
He was busy speaking
To the following crowd
But He stopped in His tracks
Said no more words aloud
He gently stepped towards me
And leaned in very close
He never seemed to mind
The smell that hit His nose
For a lengthy minute
It was just me and Him
He spoke to me softly
And touched my useless limb
“Do you want to be healed?
Then get up now and stand!
I forgive you your sins,
You are a different man!”
A feeling rushed through me
A fire in my soul
I stood and jumped for joy
My life had been made whole
My body is now healed
Legs stronger than ever
Heart feels so much lighter
My past has been severed
This important Person
Took time to notice me
He knelt beside my filth
And cared to set me free
I worship Him as King
Because He saved this man
My ugly life transformed
By crazy compassion
Close– February 21, 2022
I want a best friend
I can get close to
Some kind of brother
Whose deep love is true
We’d be together
Always hanging out
Want to talk to them
Never be without
I’d be the first one
That they would think of
We’d go adventure
Do things we both love
We’d walk hand in hand
Willing to embrace
We’d rejoice and mourn
And be face to face
We’d sit on benches
And on the grass lay
Give each other gifts
Show love many ways
“Jesus is this friend”
They tell me it’s true
God, I must have this
Bring me close to You
