Jordan was our split-gender month. We called it Man-istry for the men and Girl’s Month Out for the ladies. So, six guys were left in Jordan to go and do ATL, wherever God may lead. And who was their leader? None other than yours truly! We called our team What’s That Smell? and our team announcement skit will forever go down in World Race infamy (don’t ask).
This was a great month, chock-full of high moments and bedrock, breaking and healing, relaxin’ and stressin’. We had adventure, brotherhood, fun, and got to see the gospel spread in intriguing ways. What follows is a brief look at some of the things that happened.
Adventure:
Half of our month was already pretty much figured out when we started. We decided that we all wanted and needed an adventure. When we entered the country, we were given a chance to buy the Jordan Pass, which offers a reduced-price ticket to Petra, free entry to Wadi Rum, and a few other locations. We were agreed to spend half of the month traveling to some of the famous places of Jordan. After taking a few days to Sabbath and make sure that our team started with a good foundation, we thought we had a decent plan for getting to Petra and Wadi Rum, deciding to throw Jesus’ baptism site and the Dead Sea in on a day trip near the end. However, when we got back to the hostel that we had stayed in for mini-debrief, the owner convinced us to scrap our plans and charter a trip through him, last minute, which led to some rocky moments. But ultimately, we decided that that was they right way to go, even though our masculine pride was hurt a little because we realized that we were going on the same exact trip as the girls, just two days later. We then went to Mt. Nebo, where Moses stood to see the Promised Land at the end of Deuteronomy, the disputed Baptismal site of Jesus, and the Dead Sea, where we got to eat at one of the first all-you-can-eat buffets we had seen all year. The next day was spent wandering Petra, which was a breathtaking marvel. We then spent around two days at Wadi Rum, which is a massive desert, filled with dunes, canyons, and camps. The jeep tour we took was incredible, easily one of the most fun days I had this year. After a brief stop at the Red Sea, we made it back to Amman, exhausted but satisfied.
Ministry:
It has kind of been a tradition for teams I have been on that ATL causes stress. We don’t always see things the same, our expectations and desires don’t always match, and we question what God wants us to do. Unfortunately, this team followed the trend, at least briefly. In a McDonald’s near the Red Sea, we had a beautifully vulnerable check-in, but as soon as that was done, the anxiety and confusion returned. We didn’t know if we should stay at the first hostel, volunteer at a restaurant, full-send it to a random village somewhere, or partner with on of AIM’s potential contacts. Frustrated and tired, I made a decision that we would Sabbath at the hostel and keep praying about it. I even made a hasty ultimatum, saying that if we really wanted to rely on God, we would pack all of our stuff up and be homeless on the streets of Amman until God showed us something or provided for us. The night that we returned from the adventure, we all came to the same wordless conclusion. Once Sabbath was over and we reconvened, we knew for sure: God wanted us to stay at the hostel for the rest of the month, mainly speaking to and encouraging the owner and his family. They had “Jesus dreams” and had a lot of questions about Christianity, though they themselves were in a sort of middle ground between Islam and Christianity. We knew that if we left, we would be neglecting one of the biggest ministry opportunities that God had given us this year.
Most of our ministry was split between either the hostel or the mall. We became like brothers and best friends with the owner’s oldest child. In fact, we all feel such a deep love for that man. We keep on praying that he will accept the truth and follow Christ solely.
At the mall, we would split into groups of either two or three and walk around, talking to whoever we could. We met Americans, Muslims searching for the truth, an eager honey salesman from Yerevan who pulled out an Arabic Bible in the middle of the mall, and so many others. I know that we all have incredible stories of how God used the mall to further His kingdom.
For me, the one that sticks out the most was an artist outside of the Starbuck’s. He was drawing an ultra-realistic portrait of a Muslim woman with charcoal. As I walked past, waiting for my partner to get a coffee, he reached out and got my attention, asking me the most basic question, “Where are you from?” That led to a discussion about his art, which led to him pulling out his phone to show me a picture of him as a little kid. As he scrolled through his pictures, I spotted one of Jesus. He had snapped a picture of a stained glass window with the intention of drawing something similar for one of his friends. Knowing that God uses dreams and visions a lot in Jordan, I asked if he ever had a Jesus dream. He said yes and began to explain what it was like. He then took a canvas and began sketching it out, quickly and in great detail. Using Scripture, especially the woman at the well, I began interpreting the dream for him. By the end of our conversation, he yelled out that it was good news! He also started telling a Muslim family in Arabic about everything my partner and I had said! He was so excited about Jesus and could tangibly feel the peace of the Spirit! I will never forget that man.
Personal Issues:
It just wouldn’t be a month of the World Race if it passed without some sort of personal problem or struggle rearing its head. What is growth if not hardships overcome? For me, being a team leader raised so many issues. I doubted my ability and questioned why God would ever want me to be in charge of these men. It brought up my self-hatred and comparison. I wanted to be successful at fostering spiritual growth and ministry, but I had no idea how to do that, because I have been so bad at it in my own life.
In the desert of Wadi Rum, I also had a run-in with intense depression and suicidal thoughts, which up until then, had been almost completely out of my life. God had taken depression far away from me, and yet I met it once again in the wilderness of Jordan, where the ancient Israelites had once wrestled with their own demons.
I also got extremely sick in Amman right after our trip ended. I was extremely dehydrated. I couldn’t keep anything in or down, I struggled drinking water, and I could barely move without feeling like I would pass out for a few days. Though my team took good care of me, I felt like I was letting them down and doing a horrible job of leading by example.
I struggled a lot that month spiritually and mentally, but through it all, I kept being reminded, by my friends, team, and parents, that God was still carrying me and teaching me. I kept trying to lean into His Word and His love, learning what it is truly like to have faith in the middle of a dry, desert season.
Maybe your desert season with God has never happened to you while living in an actual one, but chances are high that you have experienced a time in your life when He felt silent and distant. Maybe you questioned why you were once again struggling with something that God had taken from you. Maybe you could no longer feel His love or presence. Maybe you are feeling that right now.
Times like this are never easy, and when they appear, it is much easier to sit there and dream about heaven, when we will look God in His face and walk with Him. However, it is times like this when God gives us the most reasons to rely on Him and sit in His strength. Like a flower on a cactus, it is during these seasons that grace can bloom in unimaginably beautiful ways. Keep crying out to God, listening for the Spirit, and having faith that He will see you through to the other end!
Isaiah 41:9-10 (NASB)
“You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts and said to you, ‘You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'”
As always, thank you for your prayer and support! I love you all!
