This month was a reversal of norms. I found myself taking several bigger steps forward and only stumbling a couple steps backwards. That is progress! I am still struggling with a few different things, but God has proven that He has got this! He is bigger than my past and any of my problems. He is teaching me to give things to Him and just trust. It is taking a lot of time, but slowly and surely, the lessons are penetrating my stubborn skull.
The first poem was written about one of the many friends we have made. He watched us while we worshiped. I tried putting myself in his shoes and thought about what he might have been thinking.
Observer- March 2
I sit in this room
With my brand new friends
These things are so strange
Their love doesn’t end
They smile like fools
During religious songs
Worshiping their Gods
Invite me along
They speak of the God
Yet call Him Father
They say He loves them
This must be another
Then there comes Jesus
Who they hold up high
Revere Him as God
Can God really die?
Their songs say He rose
And conquered the grave
As the Perfect Son
Did all this to save
Somehow these are one
But who’s the Spirit?
This is way too much
I can barely hear it
Now there’s bread and juice
“Blood and body” they say
Take it in That Name
Then they sing and pray
Who are these people
And this faith they claim?
Why do they worship
And speak with no shame?
I think they’re sincere
They serve for God’s sake
I’d say they’re crazy
‘Cause they don’t seem fake
Gotten to know them
Their joy is so real
Peaceful and loving
Their kindness I feel
So here I’m sitting
My heart getting tense
Something’s around me
I feel a Presence
This is kind of weird
I can’t seem to leave
All this makes me think
What do I believe?
Invisible Truths- March 5
I scream at the wind
“There’s no way you’re real”
Yet my hair still moves
Ignores my appeal
I tell oxygen
That I don’t believe
While I rant and rave
I still have to breathe
“Gravity is fake”
I happily gloat
I go on my way
But I walk, not float
“Feelings are made up,
Invention of man”
But I’m still grinning
While holding her hand
I’ll always tell you,
“Pain’s all in the mind”
But try as I might
I cry every time
“Energy’s a lie!”
For this truth, I’ll fight
But before I do,
I’ll turn on the light
There’s so many things
That we cannot see
But they’re always there
They don’t cease to be
I’ve never seen God
But I know He’s there
He’s shown me His love
And I’ve felt His care
So yell as you might
Talk until you’re blue
Your words won’t affect
These things that are true
Past Tense- March 8
Here it is again
This awful offense
Couldn’t stay away
Thought it was past-tense
This drifting malaise
Darkness of the mind
Thought this was conquered
Need the light to shine
They ask if I’m good
I crouch in defense
My nerves are all frayed
I am long past tense
Shouldn’t be this way
Why am I not fine?
I hate this weakness
To sin, I’m inclined
God, You’re my refuge
Your grace is immense
Take this nasty state
And keep it past-tense
Relational/Apples- March 9
God of the universe
Maker of even me
Formed us in His image
Wanted community
Good and mighty Father
You’re a strong apple tree
As I sit in Your shade
You make me beam with glee
Jesus Christ Messiah
Savior of even me
Came to Earth to see us
Made us His family
Only true Son of God
Apple given freely
My source of sustenance
Revives me so sweetly
The Holy Breath of God
Helper of even me
Dwells within His children
Unites us as His body
God’s very own Spirit
A fragrance so lovely
I want to smell like You
Brought me recovery
Father, Son, and Spirit
Lover of even me
You brought us fellowship
You’re friends with this nobody
God Against- March 23
I’m not my memories
My past isn’t me
Though they mold and shape
I have been set free
They no more command
Tell me where to go
Someone else is here
His safe arms I know
Though I still struggle
The voices won’t win
These scars conquer
Their control, He’ll end
When I start to drown
And the lies scream out
I will not crumble
It’s His name I shout
He is my refuge
Truth to which I cling
When I’m in the dark
Light, my God will bring
Get out of my mind
This isn’t your place
Jesus lives within
So there isn’t space
My cruel past must fade
This evil must flee
God Himself has saved
He has heard my plea
